


Living up to Ghosts

by pherryt



Series: Star Trek Bingo [7]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek AOS
Genre: Angst, M/M, aftermath of star trek beyond, angst with fluff, george kirk - Freeform, haunted, jim's birthday
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-31
Updated: 2018-12-31
Packaged: 2019-10-01 13:59:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17245520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pherryt/pseuds/pherryt
Summary: Jim doesn't like a big deal being made about his birthday but Leonard took a risk and did it anyway. When Jim seems to disappear in the middle of the party, Leonard get's worried he'd done the wrong thing.





	Living up to Ghosts

**Author's Note:**

  * For [captainhaterade](https://archiveofourown.org/users/captainhaterade/gifts).



> This bingo square - McKirk, Haunted - was picked randomly by Captainhaterade who I can't tag on tumblr :(
> 
> My first thought when i saw McKirk and Haunted was, "Didn't I write that already?" and I did. one of my very first Star Trek stories, involving a haunted enterprise and a mistletoe mishap. and i was like, eeeeeeh.... so now what? But then i thought, there are other ways to be haunted, and we surely saw those ways at the beginning of beyond.

Leonard frowned as he stared about the emptying room he’d wrangled out of the Yorktown’s commander for Jim’s birthday (though to be honest, she’d been all too happy to set aside a room for the crew who’d saved the Yorktown from a crazed Starfleet captain). It had held what was left of the Enterprise crew and had been as much a celebration of their survival as it had been of Jim’s birthday.

He knew Jim hated a big deal being made out of his birthday because people never made it just about Jim, but about the ghost of his father. Being raised beside that ghost, every action and word judged against the shadow of a man that Jim would never know… it couldn’t have been easy.

But Jim was too good of a captain to deny his crew what they needed and Leonard – as Chief Medical Officer – knew their crew had needed the moral booster too after such a lost, despite their win.

Besides, the Enterprise crew were family. Jim had long since defeated the ghost of George Kirk in the eyes of his crew…

But maybe not for himself, Leonard realized with a sinking feeling as he surveyed the parting guests. He started to pick up the detritus of the room, a few others by his side, and he swept his gaze into every nook and cranny as he did.

Jaylah left, supporting a very drunk Mr. Scott on the way out. Nyota and Spock left together, their relationship patched up at last. Sulu had already long since left to be with his family, cognizant of his daughters’ bedtime. Chekov was singing in Russian as he wove between the dwindling guests a tad unsteadily.

One by one and two by two – sometimes more – the crew trickled out till Leonard was left alone in the almost clean room, wondering where Jim had gotten off to. He dumped a few things into the recycler and took another last, critical look around the place before his eyes finally fell upon the shadow against the window, seen only because of the view it blocked.

Instantly, Leonard knew it was Jim.

With an internal sigh and no small amount of worry, Leonard made his way over to Jim, snagging a bottle of leftover alcohol that was still blessedly sealed on the way. He cracked it open and gave it a sniff – nothing he recognized but it would do – and joined Jim, gauging the silence he’d intruded on.

Jim stared out on the expanse of Yorktown - the snowglobe, as Leonard had called it just a few days ago – his face reflecting the assorted twinkling lights of the starbase.

“I turned her down,” Jim said softly. “I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t leave you, or all of them. We do too much good to just pack it in like that.”

“Far be it from me to argue you against a decision – “

Jim snorted and Leonard smiled.

“But are you doing it for the right reasons?” Leonard asked gently.

Sighing, Jim held his hand out and Leonard gave him the bottle. The liquid was some strange everchanging mix of blue and purple with pink swirls. Jim took a swig and handed it back to Leonard and Leonard took a more delicate, testing sip before humming and taking a bigger one.

“It’s time I let him go,” Jim said. “I never even _knew_ the man, and you’re right. I’ve long since proved myself, a dozen times over. I don’t have to live in the shadow of his legacy anymore.”

“Too right,” Leonard said, watching Jim as carefully as he could without appearing to. It had taken Jim a long time to let Leonard in, and it was a delicate dance at times navigating both their emotions, their fears and hangups, as well as their unwavering love for each other.

Leonard had long since know Jim wasn’t quite happy with the way his life was going. How guilty he felt about having everything he could ever have wanted and not enjoying it. The worry for his crew, the burden of his father’s ghost, the fear of making a wrong move like when Pike had died, of not living up to other’s expectations – all of it had been wearing on him.

And Leonard could only do so much if Jim Kirk didn’t want to be helped, didn’t feel deserving of help.

A hand crept around his waist and pulled him close.

“You worry too much, Bones,” Jim murmured, resting his head along Leonards’. The intimate gesture – from Jim where they could still be seen – relaxed Leonard and made hope blossom in his heart.

“I could say the same for you,” Leonard countered. “Are you really all right, Jim?”

“Yeah, yeah I am,” Jim sounded a little surprised, his fingers flexing and curling in tighter around Leonards’ waist. “I think, finally, I am. I spent the past months, past _year_ feeling like everything was slowly coming apart at the seams. Like, the things we were doing weren’t good enough to keep me elevated in everyone’s eyes, to keep me separate from my father, to be _me_ in my own right and it took tonight for me to realized… they already do. To the people who really matter, they already do. And if you can see the real me and not run away… then I owe it to myself not to run away either. I can allow myself to have this and you.”

“Good. Glad to hear it,” Leonard leaned slightly to put the bottle down and turned in Jim’s arms, giving him a slow, soft kiss. “And next time it gets that bad, think about talking to someone, all right? Even if it’s not me, just promise me you’ll talk to someone?”

Jim gazed into Leonards’ eyes, full of his rare solemnity, a hand creeping up to cup Leonard’s face. “I promise, Len,” he said with deep sincerity.

Leonard let out a sigh of relief, closing his eyes and gently touching their foreheads together. “Thank you, darling,” he said, his voice coming out a lot gruffer than he’d intended.

“Anything for you,” Jim said. “You mean a _lot_ to me, Bones. More than I can ever say. How you put up with me, and my daddy issues and all my other shit, I don’t know, but thank you.”

“You do the same for me,” Leonard countered.

“Well then,” Jim grinned, pulling back to look Leonard in the eyes, his own sparkling with mirth. “I guess we’re stuck with each other.”

“You’re damn straight we are.”

**Author's Note:**

> Rebloggable Tumblr Post [here](https://pherryt.tumblr.com/post/181590678136/living-up-to-ghosts-star-trek-aos-angst-canon)


End file.
